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You Wanna Give Birth Alone in the Forest?

You Wanna Give Birth Alone in the

I’m gonna give birth alone in the forest!

That’s what I was thinking when I planned my free birth. The theory behind the statement was this idea that if I could give birth…alone, I’d somehow be MORE empowered than what my previous two births had offered me – which was enough power to expose my life purpose…so…not sure why the expectations were so high. But that’s where I was at.  Without actually going into the woods…I planned accordingly. I said to my man. “I don’t even really want your support. I want you to be there, but I don’t want to ‘rely’ on you when I feel weak.” He had other ideas.

“So we’re not using midwives this time? We’ll have a doula though right? I need a Doula.”

I hire my Doula ‘for my man.’

I tell her “You’ll be there for HIM. I’m doing this alone. Treat support like you would a medical intervention.” She’s down.

I hire my photographer. I want documentation of giving birth alone after all.

It all happens so fast. 3 weeks early. 3 hours long. Every time I feel weak, scared, vulnerable I go within. Dig deep Tanya. Dig deep. There’s powerful highs and desperate lows.I look around. But I’m alone. Just what I THOUGHT I wanted. From the depths of my fears, doubts and surrender I’m enlightened. I’m not alone.

Hello sweet baby, my soul child. Help me be strong little one.

Turns out…

You can’t give birth alone.

In fact, it’s impossible. In it’s purest isolation birth involves two people. Mother and child. And besides…giving birth alone sucks. I give in.

“Hold my hand. Kiss me. Don’t go anywhere…Thank you”

My Man.

My Doula.

My Children.

All surrounding me with love. As far away from alone in a forest as I could feel.

And still…I’m empowered.

Happy World Doula Week!